Through the Haze
Written in 1997.
Through the Haze
Where am I? What’s happened to me? I…I…can’t see anything. The fog is too thick, I can’t tell what’s here. I shout, but no response, no echo. Which way to go? Does it matter? How do I get home, back to reality? Huh? What’s that? A voice, soft, whispering, gentle, where is it coming from? Who’s there? I can’t hear you! Say again! Ah, there it is…what? Oh, that it was more constant! What’s that you say? You know? What, what do you know? Do you know how to get out of this place? How could that be? No way to get out? I’m trapped! My fault, you say? What did I do? I don’t even know how I got here. Of course I don’t? Am I not supposed to know? I did it without thinking? Then, now what? I just want things to go back to the way they should be. Not possible? Too late? No! It mustn’t be too late, I can’t be stuck here! My choice? When did I choose to come here? Long ago? I don’t remember asking to live in a cloud…this is terrible. There’s nothing here within the fog, it’s empty, vacant. What sort of existence is this? You must be mistaken, I never would have chosen to live like this. But I did? Shut up! Just…just…go away! You won’t? You can’t? Who are you? What do you mean I’ve forgotten you? All you are is a voice right now. Let me see you. Of course I want to see, I just asked. First time for everything? What are you talking about? Call to me again, that I might follow your voice. I won’t? Why shouldn’t I? I need to get out of here. Are you trapped here too? No? Then where are you? Ah! What was that? Did you just touch me? You tried? I can’t see you. Doesn’t this fog ever lift? Not in my lifetime? How long have you been here? Just as long as me? Then, we came here at the same time? Why didn’t I see you when I arrived? My eyes were shut? Was I sleeping? I still am? This is a dream, then. No? It has to be. This can’t be real. You expect me to believe that I’ll spend the rest of my life in the confines of this fog? You’re crazy. I am? Yeah, I suppose I am: I’m talking to a voice hiding in a cotton ball. How is that not strange? Everybody’s doing it? Great, now I’m a trend-setter. I’m not the first? I won’t be the last? Well, that’s great and all, but I tell you one thing: I’m done. I’m not staying here. Now tell me how to get out of here. What do you mean, or what? Tell me this very instant! You’re an idiot! If I’m asking you, then of course I want to hear the answer! I’m going to get you and pummel you into nothingness! What? I practically have already? Good! How do you like it? What do you mean? I like it just fine. You know, if you told me how to get out, I’d let you exist. That’s the key? The key to what? Is there a door or something out of here? There is! Where? Show me! Do I have a key? Does it look like I do? That’s the problem? Okay, so where do I get the key? Right here? Now? I don’t see it. Hey, what do you mean that figures? What are you trying to say? You’ve been trying to show me all along? But I just got here! I didn’t? I’ve been here for a while? Years? Already? Think of everything I must have missed while I’ve been wrapped up in this stupid cloud. Okay, enough! Just give it to me straight. Tell me how to get out of here so that I go on with the rest of my life. Will I change? Change what? Of course I know that just because everyone else does something I don’t have to do it too. Well, I’m glad that you’re happy to hear that. But so what? Hey! What’s happening? The fog…it’s closing in on me…swirling around me…I can’t breathe. Help me! You can’t make that decision? Come on, hurry! I know I’m running out of time! Just give me a hand! Where? I can’t see your hand! How am I supposed to grab it? I’m trying…I’m trying. Harder? What do you expect, I’m dying here! I have been? All along? Are you going to help me or not? What do you mean you guess it’s too late! I’ve still got a chance! Yes, of course I believe it! I do! I do! Come on! Quickly! Time’s running out! No, I don’t want to waste any more! Please, just help me, and I promise we’ll talk about this! Yes, I mean it! I mean it! I’ll do anything! Changing my tune? I’m dying, what do you expect? I’m desperate here! I should have been for a long time? Well, I am now, isn’t that good enough? Please! Please!
Th…th…thank you. Oh, I’m alive! Talk about waiting until the last second! You had me scared. I scared you too? Well, not to worry, I’m safe now. What? Yes, I’m sure. I’m alive aren’t I? What kind of question is that? I’m breathing, my heart’s beating, I’m talking: I think I sound very much alive. Hey, I’ve had enough of your insults! I think I’m a very intelligent person, enough to know the difference between life and death. What? Why do I insist on committing suicide? Why would I even consider that? I’m not! I’m fine, I’ve got nothing that’s bothering me that bad. Maybe I should? Well, I guess you care a lot! Why didn’t you just let me drown! Whatever, sure you care. Thanks for saving my life, once. Now get out of my way and let me go home. I’m not staying here any longer. What do you mean it’s not different out there? What, did the world become consumed by fog or something? It did? Everything? Everyone? How did that happen? Well, how should I know? I’ve been here the whole time! So has everyone else? You don’t make any sense. Yeah, I guess that is a problem, isn’t it. Good-bye. I’ll just walk by myself until I find my own way out. Oh, yes I will! I don’t need you! Well, bravo for you: I guess some things never do change, do they?
Back to Writings page